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Oh snaps. | thefuckingdemon's Blog


Okay, yeah, I forgot this site existed. Don't kill me. You can't. Oh well. 
I guess I've changed a lot since I was last on here.
I used to be all nice and supportive. Yeah, not really anymore. Unless I know you, like for real, I'm more of a bitch. Sad to say, I'm not supportive for the same reason.Reality hit me hard in the past couple of months, and it's made me a lot stronger than I've ever been. I'm not cutting anymore, so that's good. But, I'm still thinking about death. I've attempted it twice now, but obviously, failed both times. The first was just because I was a fucking mess full of drugs and stupidity. (Yes, I still do drugs.) The second was just on an angry impulse. So, now, when I think about death, yeah, I think of doing it myself, but I'm not going to. I'm just really excited for it to happen. Like, not basing on the thoughts that other people have burned in your mind, like hell, or heaven, It's just like, when I tried to off myself the second time, I had this like epiphany about what death actually was. No words can describe it, none at all, but now my mind wanders about it.  I have this thought that this, what and where we are now, it's not real. It's just a chemical explosion or something, and I've accepted the fact that time doesn't exist. Seriously, have you ever just woke up and said "Fuck, this is going to be a long day." and then it's time for bed, and you're just like "wow, fuck that went by fast." and it did go fast. Without you noticing. 
Think about how old you are. You were born (x) years ago. During that time to now, it's like BOOM hello, time went by really fast, I'm fucking old now.
So back, to my thoughts of death, like i said blah blah it's not real, okay. I feel when I die, that everything make sense. Every question will have an answer, nothing will go unsolved.Or that when I die, I'll be like (this is going to sound insane) but that I'll be in another dimension. Think about how weird humans look. About what we have to do. Our everyday functions, if this happens when I die, I'm going to have those same exact thoughts but I'm going to be a different creature. "Hey, I'm a Quieuow. and there's this myth about a creature called a human." It's hard to explain. It's okay if you don't understand. I don't understand it fully myself.
I know I sound crazy. But I don't really care. I know if I voice my opinions to others, I'd be committed. It's not like it'd do anything, but like I said. I don't care.
The whole point of this was to say that you're not going to know what happens next. You can plan to get a drink of water, but you don't know if you're going to trip or not. Or if you're going to spill the cup or not, and you can place the cup down in the exact same spot in your eyes, but it will never be in the same spot again. Nothing will be identical. It may look it, but if you get down to the grits it could be -73489739847394739247392479874684761846364876381th of a centimeter from where you originally put the glass.
I feel like I've grown up, a lot, and I don't think the same, I don't act the same, I'm not the same. More people hate me now, but I seem to care less and less. I wouldn't mind if I was isolated from the world. It wouldn't bother me. 
But for now, i guess this is long enough, an d if you've made it this far, thanks for reading a insane person's thoughts

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Oh snaps., posted November 26th, 2012
Jashinism, posted December 10th, 2010, 2 comments

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